I think my brain is confused. I'm a numbers person. I make lists, I like to organize things, I think too much. But crafts and reading and writing are so therapeutic and relaxing to me. Right brain, left brain, I have no idea which side is which. I hated English in school but loved writing papers. In college I always made A's & B's on my papers.
I found out I was pregnant in August 2010. That week I went out and bought a notebook. It has big pink, orange and yellow polka dots on it. I like polka dots. I started writing letters to our unborn child. It's pretty cool to look back at the things that were going on in those early stages of our pregnancy. I have letters when we told friends, food that didn't like me as much as I liked it, my trip to Chicago to tell my mom. We were so excited the first time we saw her heartbeat!! I wrote about how excited we were to have our ultrasound. That was when the writing stopped.
My plan was to write throughout her whole pregnancy, but when the bad news came the writing stopped. We processed, we researched, we cried, we were angry, and we were still so in love with a little girl we hadn't met yet. But I stopped writing. I wish I had kept writing, I wish I had captured my true feelings through the last 20 weeks of our pregnancy. It was a blur. I still do remember loving being pregnant. I felt like such a woman. I felt the healthiest I had in my whole life! We kept it from our friends, hell we kept it from most of our family. We didn't want to burden anyone. And if you don't say something out loud, it isn't true right?
I will get to that story one day. My heart still wants to hold on to it so tight.
